FIFA 16 to include playable Qatar slave workers


EA has announced highly anticipated football video game FIFA 16 will include the option to play as borderline slave workers constructing the World Cup stadium in Qatar.

The extra content, available as DLC upon the launch of the title later this year, will add a new layer on top of the high-quality football simulator that’s drawn strong reviews for years.

“We wanted to make a product that appealed to both fans of the sporting and survival genres,” an EA spokeswoman said.

“We’ve been in talks with Bethesda to create a realistic role-playing game so that we can show the highs, the lows and the rock bottoms of the beautiful game.”

The DLC allows you to choose a name, backstory, country of origin and skill set for your character.

After choosing, all of those are taken from you, as well as your passport, as you do your best to survive the harsh environment working in the high mortality field of stadium construction in Qatar.

“There’s a range of factors you need to work with – the heat, the back-breaking labour, the suicidal feelings – that, like Fallout, make this what we hope will be a classic in the genre,” the spokeswoman said.

“Will you be one of the 1200? Or will you make it out alive, triumphant and still in relative poverty?”

Microtransactions are required throughout the game to add to the realism, as your character tries to send money back to the South Asian country from which they came.

Critics given early access to the DLC have praised the gameplay and single difficulty setting – Impossible – calling it “the most authentic thing to have come from FIFA in years”.

But cynics believe the move could also be a way of placating growing dissent among male gamers upset that the game’s main sporting mode will include women athletes for the first time.

“This will be a relief to the Gamergaters,” one reviewer noted.

“They’ll be able to play in a place where women are neither seen, nor heard.”


Pundits to Oddscheck: abuse your privileges, hire an actual social media expert



SOCIAL media pundits have told betting agency Oddschecker to “abuse their privileges” and use their vast wealth to hire an actual social media consultant.

The unsolicited advice from those unqualified to make judgment mirrors Oddschecker’s own decision to offer sexist relationship tips to footballer James Wilson.

It followed a string of similar tweets on their corporate social media account, which inside sources say is run by a year 8 student.

Veteran Twitter user Opinionista Dogememe said it was time for Oddschecker to treat itself.

“Sure he can type in coherent English but someone needs to remind Oddschecker they’re a major multinational company benefitting from a constant money stream from addicts and their families,” she tweeted alongside a screenshot of the offending original.

“Start abusing this privilege.”

Gambling companies hold among the highest outrage-to-tweet ratios, a fact that somehow amazes some people.

Other companies are offering odds on the fallout from the scandal. “Everybody learning a good lesson and finally getting along” is way out at $6000, though ahead of “the Advertising Standards Bureau taking punitive action against the company”, which is way out at the GDP of the United Kingdom.

“Grovelling apology and a fortnight-long sabbatical before return to the status quo” is sitting at $1.10.